


I (Don't) Know What (Who) You Did Last Night

by lumaste



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Community: footballkink2, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Mystery Pairing - Freeform, Spanish NT, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:44:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2113881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumaste/pseuds/lumaste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spanish NT trying to solve the mystery of the night. Sergio is the overprotective best friend, Xavi is Sherlock and Silva is the only one who can think. And this isn't even half of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I (Don't) Know What (Who) You Did Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://footballkink2.livejournal.com/9768.html?thread=4180264#t4180264) at [footballkink2](http://footballkink2.livejournal.com)

First thing Fernando understood when he opened his eyes was that his head had exploded or was going to any minute. The second was that his whole body was in pain. The third was that there was a used condom _in his bed_ and a pair of boxers which were _so not his_. 

After what seemed like an eternity he managed to get up and drag his feet to the bathroom. His head stopped throbbing a little, when he washed his face, and his vision became clear enough to examine his face in the mirror. 

He looked awful. Bags under the eyes didn't add to his charm. But the face was still okay compared to his body. His back was scratched and he was bruised all over. Fernando felt dizzy. He grabbed the sink to keep his balance. 

When he caught his breath, he slowly went back to his bed and crawled under the covers. So to sum it up, he was sore, hangover, had used condom (yuck!) and someone's boxers in his bed and bruises and scratches on his body. And the worst of all - he didn't remember anything. 

Someone grunted next to him and that was when Fernando remembered that he was sharing the room with Sergio. 

"Hey, Sergio," he croaked, then cleared his throat. "Sergio, wake up." 

The defender just groaned and turned to the other side of his bed. 

"Sergio," Fernando cried louder, "Fuck, get up." 

Sergio closed his head with the pillow. "Shut up, Fer, I want to sleep," he mumbled. 

"I need your help," Fernando said, "Please, Sergio." 

Finally Sergio got up, cursing and wincing from pain, and stared at him. "What?" 

Fernando took a deep breath. "Sese, what did I do last night?" 

Sergio raised his eyebrows. "You don't remember?" 

"If I did, I wouldn't have asked you," Fernando snapped. 

"Don't shout, my head hurts like hell," Sergio pleaded, "Which reminds me that last night we got wasted. Like really wasted." 

"I figured out that part," Fernando said, trying to be patient, "And then what?" 

"And then Del Bosque is going to shout the crap out of us," Sergio shrugged. 

"Damn, Sergio, why are you so thick today? And then what happened? I don't remember." 

"I don't know. You probably went to sleep. I think when I came back in the morning, you were already sleeping." 

"A-alone?" 

"No, with Santa Claus," Sergio rolled his eyes, "What's the matter, Nando?" 

Fernando took a deep breath. "Sergio, I think something has happened." 

"Like what?" 

"Like this," Fernando said and slipping out of the bed stood with his back to his friend. 

"What? You've grown a tail?" Sergio snickered. 

"Look here, I'm covered in bruises," Fernando said. 

Sergio moved closer. "Yeah, you also have long scratches on your back." 

"And a fucking condom in my bed," Fernando shouted, "And boxers, which I wouldn't wear even under death threat." 

"Oh fuck," Sergio said, "You mean..." 

"I don't know," Fernando whispered, "My whole body hurts." 

"Nando, oh god, you mean someone has f-forced himself on you?" 

Fernando just stared at him with eyes full of tears. 

"But who?" Sergio croaked. 

"I don't remember," Fernando cried desperately. He slumped back on the bed wincing and took his face in his hands, "Oh god, oh god, oh god, what am I going to do?" 

"Nando, lie down now, okay?" Sergio said, pushing Fernando on the bed gently, "You need to rest." He covered the striker and put a kiss on his forehead. "I swear I'll find that bastard and make him pay for this." 

He straightened the edges of the covers and went to the bathroom, then came back and smiled reassuringly at the striker. 

"Where are you going?" Fernando said weakly, when Sergio hastily put on his clothes and approached the door. 

"I'll be right back, Nando. You wait here," Sergio said, "He will pay for everything as soon as I find him, I promise that to you." 

Fernando closed his eyes, trying to remember last night, but it made his head hurt more, so he stopped. All the same he remembered only drinking at the bar and then blackness. 

He was drifting back to sleep when the door opened. He looked up frightened and relaxed seeing Sergio. But his relief was short-lived, because after Sergio entered Iker. Then Xavi. Then Juan. Then David Silva. When Gerard and Cesc closed the door after them, Fernando wanted to hide under the covers and pretend he wasn't there. But instead he looked helplessly at Sergio, silently asking what the fuck was going on. 

"Don't worry, Nando," Sergio said, "We're all here to help you." 

Fernando groaned and closed his face with his hands. "Why didn't you tell Del Bosque or call the Federation?" he muttered. 

"Do you think it's necessary?" Sergio asked, "I thought about calling the coach, but he might be still asleep as the rest of the guys. Here are the only ones who were already awake." 

"Oh my god," Fernando said, "You're hopeless." 

"I'm so sorry for what has happened to you, Fer," Juan interrupted, squeezing his hand. 

"Thank you, Juan," Fernando murmured. 

"You're welcome," Juan smiled. 

"Uh, you can already let go of my hand." 

"What?" Juan blinked and then blushed, "Oh, yeah, of course." He turned to Iker and mouthed, "He's traumatized." 

"Fernando," Iker spoke in his capitainy mode putting his hand on the striker's shoulder, "We're here for you. We will find that bastard. Don't worry." 

"Okay, stop with this lovey-dovey stuff," Xavi muttered, "We have a job to do." He turned to Fernando, "So, Nando, first of all try to remember what happened last night." 

"You think I haven't tried?" Fernando said exasperated, "That's what I've been trying to do since I woke up. I don't remember a shit." 

Xavi didn't seem impressed by his outburst. "Okay, then try not to be a diva for five minutes," he said coolly. 

"I'm NOT being a diva," Fernando shouted. 

Cesc snorted from a corner. "Please. You're more of a diva than Cristiano Ronaldo." 

"Did you just compare me with Cristiano Ronaldo?" Fernando cried mustering his best "come at me bro" expression, "Did you hear that, Serge? He compared me to fucking Cristiano Ronaldo." 

"Cris is really a nice guy," Sergio mumbled, "He's completely different from what media makes him look like." 

"You're supposed to be on my side," Fernando said irritated. 

"I'm on your side, Nando," Juan butted in, "Ronaldo is a jerk." 

"Thanks, Juan," Fernando smiled. 

"Okay, let's leave now Cristiano Ronaldo, who, by the way, is a really great and humble guy, and focus on our problems," Iker suggested. 

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

"Thanks, Iker," Xavi said, glaring at the rest, "So as the subject was too smashed to remember his own violation," Fernando flinched at the word, but Xavi didn't seem concerned, "Let's pass to the second step. Fernando, the evidence." 

"What?" Fernando blinked. 

"If you mean the condom and the boxers, we threw them away," Sergio prompted helpfully. 

"Are you complete idiots?" Xavi shouted, "We might have needed a sample of his semen." 

"Maybe we can take a sample from the water in the toilet," Sergio suggested, "I flushed it down, but maybe there is still some. Though I can retrieve the boxers. They're in the bin. Wait a minute." 

Fernando stared at him open-mouthed. He loved Sergio, he really did, he was his best friend, but honestly, sometimes he could be so daft. 

"It looks like something a diva would wear," Cesc commented when Sergio returned from the bathroom holding the boxers with two fingers, "Are you sure they're not yours, Nando?" 

"Yes, I'm fucking sure," Fernando hissed. 

"Hey, I was just asking," Cesc held his hands in front of him in defence. 

"Cesc, if you don't want to help, you can leave," Iker said, "Go on, Xavi." 

"Thanks, Iker. So, does anyone know whose boxers are these?" Silence. "Fernando?" 

"No," the striker shouted. 

"Calm down. Let's leave these for further inspection," Xavi said, "Next evidence. Nando, open up." 

"W-what?" 

"I need to see your body. Sergio said it looks battered. It's an important evidence." 

"I don't think so," Fernando said, instinctively pulling the covers higher. 

"Xavi, don't make him," Sergio stood up, "Don't you see that he's traumatized? He doesn't want us to see him naked." 

"I'm sorry, Sergio, but he has to," Xavi said calmly. 

Fernando closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to convince himself that this was just a nightmare. 

"Nando, Xavi is right," Juan butted in, "It's important." 

"Yeah, Nando, let Juan see you naked one more time," Gerard snickered. 

Juan blushed and sputtered something, but it went unheard, because Xavi pushed him away coming up to Fernando's bed. "Well," he said impatiently. 

"Oh god, kill me now," Fernando muttered and pushed away the covers, lying on his stomach eyes shut. 

He shuddered when someone's hand touched him and promised to himself to kill Sergio when this was over. 

"Hmm," Xavi said, "Judging by the state of your skin the night was intense." 

Fernando's curse words were muffled by the pillow. 

"Yeah, look here," Sergio said pressing a finger to his shoulder, "This is a bite mark." 

They all started to discuss the marks on Fernando's body and the striker waited patiently until he couldn't take it anymore. "I don't know who is groping me, but stop it," he snarled. 

"You heard Nando, Juan," Cesc cackled. 

"I-I wasn't," Juan stuttered, "I was just trying to help." 

Fernando turned on his back and pulled the cover over himself. "Okay, that's enough," he said. 

Sergio sat on the bed and put his hand on Fernando's shoulder protectively. "Stop crowding him, you're making him nervous," he said. 

Fernando wanted to roll his eyes, but he didn't because he kind of agreed with Sergio on this. The guys stepped back. Juan looked particularly disappointed. 

"So now we have to identify possible suspects," Xavi said, "Who could have done this to Fernando? Any ideas?" 

"It has to be one of us," Gerard laughed, "There weren't many people in the bar as far as I can remember." 

They all started looking suspiciously at each other. 

"It doesn't matter to me if it's one of us," Sergio growled suddenly, "I'll strangle him with my own hands. Doesn't matter who it is." 

Fernando smiled a little. Maybe he could reconsider his decision to kill Sergio, instead just kicking his ass. 

"What the hell are you staring at me?" Juan cried. 

"Maybe because you're always staring at Nando like a hungry puppy," Cesc suggested and high-fived Gerard. 

"I'm not--" 

"Save it, Mata, everyone knows you're head over heels for Nando," Sergio snarled, "I'll kill you, fucking bastard." 

He launched on Juan, but Iker held him back. "Calm the fuck down, Sergio. We have no evidence that Juan has done it." 

"Then who else?" Sergio shouted. 

"Who said it wasn't you?" Juan pecked from behind Iker's back, "You're roommates." 

"Whaaat?" Sergio said, taken aback, "I-I wouldn't-- I'd never-- I don't rape men, okay? And neither women. Or anyone. It wasn't me!" 

He looked around desperately to see if anyone believed him. 

"Okay, calm down everyone," Iker said, "Xavi, go on." 

"Thanks, Iker," the Catalan sent a rare smile to the captain, "So now we have two suspects, Juan and Sergio." 

"What?" the suspects cried together. 

"Silence," Xavi roared, "Juan, do you have an alibi?" 

"I-I-- was in the bar," Juan drawled, "Alibi--alibi-- I-I do!" 

"Yeah, right," Sergio said skeptically. 

"I do," Juan insisted, "Villa. David Villa. I went back with him and-and Nando was still there. I stayed with Villa till late." 

"I can confirm that," Silva said sourly. 

"It doesn't prove anything," Sergio spat, "You could have done it after you left. It's not an alibi." 

"I'd like to hear yours," Juan hissed. 

"Yeah, Sergio," Xavi said, "We'll investigate this matter later. What's your alibi?" 

"You're a lousy investigator, Xavi," Sergio snapped. 

Gerard and Cesc burst out laughing. 

"Answer the question, Sergio," Iker said sternly. 

Sergio glared at him. "Okay," he muttered, "I arrived at the bar rather late and left late too, because I met Cristiano and Fábio there. Happy now?" 

"Not exactly," Xavi said, "How long did you hang out with the Portuguese and where was Fernando at that time?" 

"Fernando was there too, but he left earlier than me. I stayed with Fábio till late. When I came back, Nando was already sleeping. Alone. I went to sleep too until he woke me up." 

"Why should we think you didn't do it when you came back?" Juan said, "You were alone with him all the time." 

"I am asking questions here," Xavi silenced him. "So, Sergio, you confirm that you haven't seen anyone with Fernando and haven't done anything to him?" 

"Yes," Sergio rolled his eyes. 

"Very well," Xavi said and turned to Fernando, who had finally decided to sink under the covers and pretend he was lying on a beach, "Fernando, look attentively at Juan and Sergio and try to remember if it was one of them that has ra--" 

"I don't remember," Fernando cried, "How many times do I have to repeat? I don't remember, I don't remember, I don't remember." 

"Okay, but do you think it can be one of them?" Xavi said impatiently. 

"N-no. Of course not." 

"Are you sure?" Xavi said, squinting his eyes. 

"Y-yeah, I-I think," Fernando stammered. 

"Okaay," Xavi drawled, "But this doesn't mean that you're free of suspicion." 

"So what now?" Gerard asked with an expression which required a seat and popcorn. 

"Now people, tell me who saw Fernando last night, when and with whom?" Xavi said, "If we find out who he left with, we can find out who's the culprit." 

Silva raised his hand. "But why do a few scratches make you think," he started quietly, when Xavi granted him a permission to talk, "That it hasn't been consensual?" 

"Silvita for the president," Cesc cried. 

"Or for the investigator," Gerard added. 

"Shut up both of you," Xavi shouted, "That's a really good question, David. Fernando?" 

But before Fernando could even open his mouth to answer, Juan started to babble, "No, it's impossible. How can you even think about that? Fernando would never let other men touch him. Right, Nando? No, of course he wouldn't. It's ridiculous, David. How can you think that?" 

He stopped talking, when he noticed that everyone was staring at him. 

"Uhm," Xavi cleared his throat after a minute of silence, "I think we all agree that the main suspect at this moment is Juan." 

"Yeah." 

"No doubt." 

"Definitely." 

"It's him." 

"Juan, you can't go out of this room without permission and you're not allowed to approach Nando closer than two meters," Xavi said. 

"What the..." 

"No objections," Iker intervened. 

"Thanks, Iker," Xavi smiled, "So, now everyone tells me where they were last night. Let's start from you, Iker." 

"Um, so I was at the bar not for long," the goalkeeper said, "I had a drink or two, then I fought with Sergio who was trying to make me dance. Then I had a chat with Cristiano and left with... you, Xavi. Nando was still at the bar when we left." 

"Hmm, yeah, I can confirm that we left together, went to our room and didn't leave till the moment Sergio came knocking," Xavi said with a smile, "So, Juan, you're next as the main suspect." 

Juan rolled his eyes. "I was sitting with the Davids. Nando was sitting a little farther. He talked with Sergio, then with Andrés, then Villa went to him. When Villa came back, I went to talk to Nando, but he said that he had to go to the bathroom. Not surprising, he'd had three bottles of beer, then a weird looking cocktail, then when he came back from the bathroom, he ordered a bottle of tequila. I wanted to go to him and tell him not to drink so much, but Sergio came up with Ronaldo and Coentrão and they started to talk. Sergio and Coentrão went dancing after a while and I went to the bathroom. When I came back, Nando had already left." 

"Okay," Xavi said, "Fernando, do you remember any of it?" 

"Uh... Drinking?" Fernando cringed. 

Xavi shook his head. "With you everything is clear. Sergio, what do you remember?" 

"I remember that I had a lot of fun," Sergio said, "I danced a lot and drank a lot. I wanted to convince Iker to go dancing, but the old man didn't want to." 

"Wait," Xavi said, "Just wanted to make it clear that Iker isn't old. Go on, Sergio." 

"Er, okay... So then Cris and Fábio came and we danced, but then one of them said, "hey, Sergio, why is Torres sitting alone, what kind of friend are you?" So we went to get Fernando to dance, but ended up drinking tequila with him. Then Fábio and me went to find one of the Portuguese guys and I saw Fernando again only when I came to our room and found him sleeping peacefully on his bed." 

"It's you," Juan cried, "You saw him sleeping peacefully and decided to disturb his sleep, didn't you? You disgusting, traitorous, dirty bastard!" 

"Listen, hobbit, my patience is up. I'll kill you now," Sergio shouted. 

"I'm betting on Mata," Gerard said, "He looks really livid." 

"My money is on Ramos," Cesc answered, "He'll end Frodo in a heartbeat." 

"Shut up and sit down everyone," Iker roared, "Juan and Sergio, if you don't stop behaving like you are in kindergarten, I'll tie you up. Go on, Xavi." 

"Thanks, Iker. Cesc or Geri, it doesn't matter as you're attached to the hip, tell where were you yesterday." 

"We were at the bar like everyone, but we didn't stay long, as Cesc was overcome by a sudden desire to rewatch all the seasons of Desperate Housewives and we ran a marathon," Gerard rolled his eyes. 

"Okay, Geri, you left me no choice," Cesc said, "He's a Glee fan!" 

"You're a dead man, Fàbregas," Gerard cried, "It's not true, guys. He's lying." 

Xavi raised his eyebrows. "We'll discuss that later. So you didn't see Fernando?" 

"I saw him with Sergio and his Portuguese teammates," Gerard said, "I even thought that they're going to lure him to Madrid." 

"Or threaten. That's more like them," Cesc supplied. 

"Or fall on the ground and clutch at their legs," Xavi laughed and then cleared his throat, "Okay, let's return to Fernando." 

"You'd better," Sergio said darkly, "Or soon you'll start bitching that the hotel floor wasn't good enough for your investigation." 

"Yeah, besides Cris isn't really a bad guy," Gerard said. 

Xavi glared at him, but didn't answer, instead turning to David. "Silva, tell us what you saw last night." 

David took a deep breath. "Well, I was sitting with Villa and Juan. Fernando was a little farther. Juan already told you that Sergio approached him with Ronaldo and Coentrão. They drank, then Coentrão and Sergio left, Juan went to the bathroom, Villa and me went dancing and Nando left with Ronaldo." 

"Whaaaaat?" Everyone shouted at the same time, including Fernando. 

"Which part should I repeat?" 

"Silent, everyone. Fernando left with Ronaldo?" Xavi cried. 

"Yeah." 

"Why didn't you tell me before?" 

"You didn't ask. I was waiting for my turn." 

"Oh god," Xavi groaned, "What should we do now?" 

"Find Ronaldo and kill him," Juan growled. 

"Wait, maybe..." Iker started. 

"No," Sergio shouted, "I told you I'd strangle him with my own hands whoever it was and I haven't changed my mind. Let's go." 

"To Ronaldo's room," Cesc cried. 

"And take his diva boxers to him," Gerard added. 

"Wait, I'm coming too," Fernando said. 

"No," Juan said, "You're not ready to see him after what he's done to you." 

"Hate to admit it, but the hobbit is right," Sergio said, "You're staying here, Nando." 

"You can't tell me what to do," Fernando snapped, "You're not my mother. I can make my decisions. I'm coming with you." 

"Nando, I really think you shouldn't..." Iker started. 

Fernando jumped down from the bed and pulled on his shirt and pants. "Let's go," he said determined. 

His teammates looked at each other worried, but didn't object anymore. "He's traumatized," Juan whispered to no one in particular. 

"Keep close to me," Sergio said. 

"I'm not a kid," Fernando glared at him, but moved closer anyway. 

It wasn't hard to find out from the reception girls where Ronaldo's room was. Soon they were in front of his door and Iker knocked at it. A few minutes of persistent knocking later a half-naked and sleepy Cristiano Ronaldo appeared in front of them. He hadn't even managed to open his mouth, when Sergio's mighty punch on his face threw him out of balance. He staggered back, blinking confused, then raised his furious face to Sergio. "What the fuck, Ramos?" he roared. 

"It's me who should ask you that," Sergio snarled, "What the fuck were you thinking when you did it? Who the fuck do you think you are? If you are Cristiano Ronaldo, it doesn't mean I'm not going to kill you." 

He rushed forward, but Xavi and Iker caught him. "Calm down, Sergio," Iker said. 

"No, let me go, I'll kill him," Sergio trashed. 

"No, I'll kill him," Juan shouted, trying to get past Gerard. 

"What's going on, Iker?" Cristiano demanded. 

"You even dare to ask?" Iker snapped, "I can't believe you did it. Disgusting." 

"What exactly did I do?" Cristiano asked angrily. 

His words were followed by more angry shouting from Juan and Sergio, while Fernando stood behind them quietly observing his abuser. It was weird that he didn't feel even slightly frightened or nervous. It was probably because his friends were with him. He looked at Cristiano again and shuddered thinking what this man had done to him. 

"Wait," Cristiano said wide-eyed, "So you want to say that I-- um-- forced myself on Torres?" 

"You want to say you didn't?" Juan spat. 

"Of course I didn't, what do you..." 

"Shut up, everyone," Xavi said going forward, "Ronaldo, yesterday you were at the bar with us, right?" 

Cristiano just glared at him. 

"Answer the question, Cris," Iker advised. 

"Yeah, I was," Cristiano said. 

"Bastard," Juan shouted. 

"You're a dead man," Sergio threatened. 

"Silence," Iker cried, "Go on, Xavi." 

"Thanks, Iker. So, Ronaldo, what did you do at the bar?" 

"Drank and danced," Cristiano answered. 

"Do you remember talking to Sergio?" 

"Yeah." 

"Do you remember talking to Fernando?" 

"Kind of." 

"And what happened then?" 

"I don’t really remember. I was drunk." 

"So you just remember waking up in your bed?" 

"No, I remember you waking me up with your stupid accusations." 

"He's fucking lying," Sergio shouted. 

"Kill him," Juan added. 

Xavi glared at them until they fell silent, then he turned to Cristiano. "So you don't remember going out with Fernando to his room?" 

"No." 

"Hmm, okay," Xavi drawled, "So what would you say of this?" He threw the boxers to Cristiano. 

"Oh, where did you find these?" the Portuguese exclaimed. 

"So you confirm they belong to you?" Xavi asked. 

"Of course, don't you see my initials on them?" Cristiano shrugged. 

Xavi's groan was lost in the wave of new insults hurled at Cristiano by Sergio and Juan. 

"We found them in Fernando's room for your information," Xavi said, when the noise subdued, "In his bed." 

"What?" Cristiano blinked, "How?" 

"That's exactly what we want to know," Xavi said. 

Cristiano groaned and glanced at Fernando, who was looking at his feet red-faced. "I..." he began, "I have no idea." 

Before Juan and Sergio could attack him, the door opened and Fábio Coentrão entered, stopping dead on track when he saw the Spanish delegation. "Uh, hi, guys, what are you doing here?" Then his gaze fell on Fernando and he smirked. "Oh." 

"What?" Everyone asked. 

"Nothing. I just think that we'd better leave these two alone," he said motioning Cristiano and Fernando. 

"Wait a minute," Xavi turned to him, "What do you know?" 

"About what?" 

"About them." 

"Well, obviously what you all know," Fábio shrugged. 

Sergio and Juan again started shouting and trashing against the players holding them. 

"Calm down," Iker shouted, "Go on, Xavi." 

"Thanks, Iker. So, Coentrão, the only thing we know is that your friend violated Fernando," Xavi said. 

"What?" Fábio snorted, "Are you out of your mind?" 

"So you think he didn't?" Xavi asked. 

"I don't think he didn't, I know it," Fábio said. 

"What do you know?" Sergio snapped earning Xavi's glare. 

"I know that everything was consensual," Fábio said calmly, nodding at Silva's "told you so", "Unless of course you think that Cris forced Fernando's dick into his ass." 

His words were followed by shocked silence, then Juan stuttered, "H-how do y-you know the-the details?" 

"They didn't spare me them, when I came to take Cris to his room," Fábio cringed, "He started to babble how good it felt, how they should repeat it, how big Fernando..." 

"Okay, enough," Cristiano shrieked. 

"No, no, it's not possible," Juan cried. 

"I think he'd prefer if Nando were raped," Cesc whispered to Gerard. 

Juan glared at them, but didn't say anything. 

"Oh god," Cristiano blinked, "So that's why I felt a little bit... Never mind." 

"It's not possible," Juan repeated, "You didn't do it, right, Fer?" 

He looked hopefully at Fernando. 

The striker blinked. "I-I don't know." 

"C'mon, Fer, it's _Cristiano Ronaldo_ ," Juan whined. 

"You mean it's CRISTIANO RONALDO," Cristiano corrected. 

"Wait, if it's true, then why is Fernando bruised all over?" Juan asked, ignoring him. 

"Well, what can I say?" the Portuguese smirked, "I'm a rather passionate lover." 

Fernando blushed. 

"Looks like Nando isn't bad either, Cris," Gerard said, pointing to a love bite on Cristiano's neck. 

Fernando blushed some more. 

"But-but..." Juan started. 

"Deal with it, Juan, your knight fucked another maiden," Cesc chuckled. 

"I'm not sure Cris can be called a maiden," Gerard whispered into his ear. 

"Uh, well," Sergio said, sounding uncharacteristically uncomfortable, "So, Nando, I-I-- Well... Uh, if you-you're happy-- I mean, Cris, he-he's not a bad guy-- and, I-- I don't mind, if-if that's what you, um, want, I..." 

"Sergio, I'm not getting married," Fernando said. 

"Wait, so the matter is settled now?" Cesc asked, "So soon?" 

"You're not fun at all," Gerard added. 

"Uhm," Xavi said, "In the light of the latest evidence, I declare the matter dropped. Cristiano, Juan and Sergio are free of any suspicion. The question of investigating Cristiano's violation by Fernando shall be discussed later." 

"Wait, Sherlock grew eyebrows?" Fábio snorted. 

"Hey, hey, shut your mouth," Cesc said. 

"Yeah, only Cesc and me are allowed to make the eyebrow joke," Gerard added. 

"Okay, everyone out," Iker said, "You two will be okay here, right?" 

Fernando and Cristiano nodded. 

"I don't think we should leave them alone," Juan said, "It may be dangerous." 

"Why?" Xavi shrugged, "I declared the matter dropped and that's it. It was proven that no one is to blame as there is no crime." 

"But still, maybe..." Juan started, but Iker and Gerard interrupted him by dragging him out. 

"Uh, so..." Fernando said looking at his feet, when they were finally left alone, "Do you remember anything?" 

"Nah, nothing," Cristiano said. 

"So, what should we do?" 

"Well," Cristiano said, "Maybe talk about it? Try to remember something?" 

"Uh, yeah, probably," Fernando blinked, "Now?" 

"I don't think I'm able to talk about something like that now," Cristiano admitted. 

"Me too," Fernando said, "You don't know how stressful it is sometimes just to be with them." 

"Believe me, I know," Cristiano answered, "Only Sergio is enough." 

Fernando chuckled. "Yeah, I can't argue with that. So if not now, when should we meet to talk?" 

"I have an offer." 

"Shoot." 

"What if we meet this evening in the bar and discuss this matter over a bottle of beer?" 

"Sounds like a deal," Fernando said, "Only I want tequila." 

 

 _Next morning_

"Sergio? Please, wake up, I need your help." 

"Ugh. What now?" 

"Do you remember what I did last night?"


End file.
